done

i am so done. i am ready to shut down. i want to scream and cry and just be sad. i dont want to go back to noraml life yet, and i dont want to have an overload of work because i needed to take a break so i could function. i feel completly overloaded. i want to lay in bed and watch mad about you, but they took it off the time i used to watch it. i am freaking out. i jsut need to relax. i need a vaction. and i want to be done with school, and not have to work. i want to chill. just a minute. i feel so tense. my back & neck keep hurting, i want a massage chair. that would be so nice, and i wish i liked bubble baths cuz i would take one. i am having difficulty thinking about anything that requires serious thought. its like i took a stupid pill.

i am currently stupified, dont expect much from me.

My friend

In the school of social work it is hard to be a christian. there was this girl Srah Allyn in my class and i could tell she was a christian. finally it came up that we were both christians. it was such a cool experience and we were making plans to go on a double date. she was such a joy and a delightful person. i could see us becoming really good friends. She died in a car accident the other day. she is such an amaing girl and impacted my life in 2 weeks. i can only imagine how much people that knew her more will miss her. and i know she's in Heaven singing praises and Glory to God.
thank you God for letting me have met Sarah.
i know she is smiling with you in heaven

lost

a lot of times when poeple go through hard times they feel so alone. and that is how i am feeling completly alone, lost in a world i once knew.

i dont know what i want from my life. i dont know where i am going. i feel stuck to start anything new or continue something old becuase it will all change in 11 months. I am having a very hard time adjusting to the fact that everything will change. and when i am going through this an needing support i feel alone. I dont adjust to change very well and i am having a hard time giving up pieces of my life and trading them in for new pieces. i feel like i am giving up evrything. i feel lost. i dont know what i even what to be when i grow up. i used to know but now i dont. i am so confussed and overwhelmed. i dont know what i want and i am alone. i am having a hard time commiting to anything long term right now because i have no long term all i can think of is in terms of weeks. i feel stopped. i feel like i have lost myself and am losing more and more. i feel like there is no constant in my life there is no varible that will stay the same 11 months from now. i read my cousin joy's article in radiant magazine http://www.radiantmag.com/article.php?id=106 and it seems she is in transition to. so much is going to change. i dont know if i am prepared for this change or if i am willing to give up some of my pieces of me. i feel like i have a few pieces that are still mine and i am holding on to them and holding them close. i dont want someone to take them away from me. i am not ready to give up my life.

i feel so alone

i dont know who i am

Excitement of the ice cream man!

:D today the ice cream truck went down my street it was so exciting! this may not be too exciting for those of you who have alwyas had the ding-a-ling-a-ling ring through your streets but for me this was the 2nd time ever! so Mom and i got very excited and we waited for the ice cream man to come back around. I watched out the window like a little kid it was great! I got the BEST ice cream popscicle EVER! its called a sprikiler. and its vanilla ice cream dipped in chocolate and covered in the round ball sprinkles.

oh what JOY the ice cream man brings.

all smiles

isn't it amazing how one little thing can lead to something great. Cleaning up a room can lead to connecting with an old friend that should have never become an old friend. Its amazing how God works and i can sit in my room and cry about missing people and He hears my cries and when im not expecting them to contact me there they are. I didnt write to my old friends expecting a response but i got 2 and what a joy that brings.

so ashley and hung out last night and it was really cool. a lot of catching up to do. I am so greatful for forgiveness